20 things at 20 years old.

I just turned 20 years old. Old right? You’re probably thinking no, not really, and you’d be right. But for some reason 20 seems old to me. I woke up today feeling more wise and reflective but since i feel that i’m in no position to give unsolicited life advice to people; I decided to share 20 things that, if i could, I’d go back and tell the 16 year old Aaron.

1. Read less and take notes

I read a lot of books between 16-18. A lot more than necessary. But i’ve forgot most of what i’ve read and have forgotten most the insights and lessons I took from those books. Obsessing over knowing everything is just a trojan horse for my perfectionism.

2. Stop caring about what people may think about you

Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business. There’s something scary about doing something that the people around you don’t. It’s like there’s a little voice that tells you they will all resent you for it and they will stop talking to you and leave you to be alone. But this is far from the reality of it and a lot of people support and admire us for taking this step, almost as if they wish they could find the courage to do the same.

There’s also a couple of quotes that i’d share and tell me to think real hard about these:

• “You could save an old lady from a burning building and someone will still think you’re a prick.”
• “Most people don’t even have a fond opinion of themselves”
• “Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer!”

3. Focus on execution AND learning

It’s easy to get caught up in learning as once you learn something, it leads you onto about 5 other things and then those 5 things each lead onto 5 things and so on. A more effective approach is to decide what you need to learn before you start, learn that and then get started. You can always learn more on the job on an “as and when” basis.

4. Put more effort into spending time talking to my family.

Sometimes, I felt that there was a bit of a disconnect between me and my family. Because i was so focused on work and ended up missing a lot of family events. I only started to make more effort as I was heading off the university and realised that I actually really like spending time with my family.

5. Just because you’re not an expert doesn’t mean you don’t have value to share

This is key. I’ve only just learned this at 20. We don’t need to know everything to be able to help people. Instead, all we need to be is a step ahead. If you’ve just beat level 2 of a game, we are in a position to be able to help those stuck on level 1.

6. There’s more meaning and fulfilment to be found in a disciplined life.

7. Start sharing online

Documenting and sharing online is the easiest way to give yourself more depth. It’s a good way for people to be able to see where you’re at and what you’re thinking as well as what you’ve done or have thought about. I wish I had started doing this sooner. If anyone reading this is vaguely interested in sharing things online, do it. The first 50 posts are likely going to be a bit rubbish, but your 50th is still going to significantly better than your first.

8. Be consistent

This is the hardest thing i’ve ever went up against. I found it easier to run 26 miles in storm ciara with no sleep than it was to be consistent. It’s all fine and well saying that you’re going to do something, like upload a guest based podcast episode every week, but then when you have to work 40-50 hours a week and all the other things that take up time, that becomes almost impossible.

Find the sweet spot of a place between a little over what you think you can achieve and a go way under what you think you could manage to do consistently.

9. Stop comparing yourself against others

Comparison is the thief of joy. You could make a £1M per year but still be unhappy because the person next to you makes £2M per year. Comparing yourself against others is just awful. You essentially take everything you’ve accomplished and say “yeah but it’s not as much as that guy.”

It’s easy to think that everyone started on the same playing field as you but a lot of the time people had slight little advantages that you didn’t and have advantages that you still don’t. One that used to really trip me up was time. I used to look at 40/50 year old entrepreneurs and feel rubbish about not being at their level at 16/17.

10. How far could you go if you stopped wasting your time?

One thing me and my 16 year old self still have in common is that we both have 24 hours in a day. I can say that I did more stuff when I was younger, but I also wasted a lot of my time on trivial things and social media. Now, I don’t have Tiktok, I don’t have Facebook on my phone and I limit my use of instagram for 30 minutes a day. Instead I get to read, write or do something that is more worthwhile.

11. Get out of your own way

I spend a lot of time in my own head. And with that, I tend to self sabotage and stop doing things because i’m worried/scared/frustrated about whatever it is. One thing that has helped was recognising whether my response was genuine or if I was exaggerating it. Generally we are our worst enemies. We are the ultimately the reasons whether we do something or not.

12. Believe in yourself

Following on from number 11, Self talk and the narrative we tell ourselves is vital. If you don’t think you can do something, then you’re right. Even thought i’m pretty early, I wish that I adopted the mindset of “I can do anything that I set my mind to” earlier.

13. The best time to go for it is now.

You might wish that you started something sooner. but instead of starting that something then and there, we don’t do it. We let the idea that years ago was the best and therefore only time to do something. This is a lie. There’s a quote that goes on the lines of, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now. The same is said for what our lives could look like. There is no better time to chase your goals than now.

14. If you breathe oxygen, it’s fair game.

Originally a Conor Mcgregor quote on being afraid of another fighter, but it has some value for how we interact with people in two ways:

The first is that we put people on pedestals and levels based of their looks or accomplishments. But take that away and they’d be just another person, like you or me.

The second way is to treat people as if they are a person like me or you. If there is someone less fortunate or in a lesser position be that at work or in education then we should treat them the same way as someone who is in a great position.

I still put people on pedestals, but as I get older I find myself thinking about this more often and applying it more and more

15. Your outlook on life matters far more than what actually happens

Nothing that happens to us is inherently good or bad, rather we attach our own meanings to these events. Having the ability to have a positive outlook on things that others may find negative can be a superpower. You are able to be a lighthouse for people have a bad day. If the enitre world was just bad news, there woud be no reason to live. Through optimism there is hope and through hope is a reason to want to live

16. Not everything is a personal attack

There’s a weird thing i’ve seen in myself, and in others, where they take something that has happened and apply it as if it were targeted directly at them. Having this mindset that everyone and everything is out to get us constantly puts us on the offensive and can lead to taking a friend’s joke as a direct insult.

Even in the situations where someone is directly trying to get under your skin, not attaching a personal meaning to their words or action you take any power they feel they have over your emotional state away from them.

17. Nobody cares what you do or don’t do.

This sort of leads of from the last one. Everyone has their own life and their own problems. They are usually to wrapped up in their own stuff to care about what you are doing or not. My own experience with this later on in life is this blog. I thought people would think it’s weird and put of doing it for a while. But since i’ve started I’ve had a few compliments on it and that’s it. I had built up this idea that everyone I know and follow will think it’s weird but almost nobody cared.

18. Do not be harmless

This one is from Jordan Peterson where he talks about the difference between a good person and a harmless person. If someone is harmless, they are not a good person by choice. Instead because they are incapable to harm they must act good and often once they are in positions to do harm to others, they do. Rather we should aim to become a monster who is capable of harm but then learn to control it and explore what it means to be a good person through discipline and restraint.

19. Expect nothing in return

When we expect things from other people we set ourselves up to be disappointed when they don’t come through on those expectations. This gets tricky when the people in question don’t know about these expectations. By not expecting anything or feeling like someone owes you something then we remove the opportunity for others to disappoint or frustrate us.

20. Too much pressure is not a good idea

Right now is the youngest you’ll ever be and the oldest you have ever been. I think because i’ve had my head in self development and entrepreneurship from about 15/16 I’ve put pressure on myself that I need accomplish everything I set out to by the time I’m 25. This pressure has helped me get a great deal done but as I get closer to 25, I get more stressed and can’t switch off as well. No pressure, no diamonds but too much pressure, no diamonds either.